a visit to Lili's orphanage

Today we visited the Children's Welfare Institute of Shenyang City, the orphanage where Lili lived for the first 4 years of her life.  It was an emotional visit, but I am glad we made the trip.  We took lots of pictures so that we can show Lili as she grows up, so that she can retain her memories of her earliest years.  Tracy (our escort) explained to Lili on the way that we were going back so that she could say goodbye, that we were only visiting and that she would leave with us after our visit.  Lili nodded and responded cheerfully - she didn't seem apprehensive at all.  When we first arrived, Lili seemed happy and confident.  But as we approached the first building, she started to get a bit more clingy.  I held her close and tried to reassure her.  We went to original orphanage building first, looking for Mrs. Tan, who was going to show us around.  We were directed to another building - one of at least 4 newer buildings.  We were told that the construction of these buildings was completed only last year.  We went into the newer building - the one that serves as a sort of school.  It was the place where Lili went to a preschool-type class every day.  We proceeded to the 4th floor, to the "gymnasium room," where I believe Lili went for her preschool class.  Mrs. Tan was in that room, along with another family also visiting the orphanage with their new daughter, Jun Ba.  (Apparently all of the girls who were born in 2008 and were named by Mrs. Tan were given the name "Jun" something - like Lili is Jun Li and this other girl is Jun Ba.)  As soon as we got to the door of the room, Lili shook her head vehemently and clearly did not want to go in.  One of the teachers came out and spoke to Lili and tried to talk her into coming in, but Lili was adamant.  When the woman became more insistent, Lili started to cry.  I was holding her the whole time, and she clung to me.  I told Tracy that I didn't want to force her to go in, so we just stood in the hallway and waited for Mrs. Tan to come out.  Ed went in for a moment to take a few pictures of the classroom. A sweet little boy ran out of the classroom and tried to give Lili a toy and talk to her, but she wanted nothing to do with it.  Finally, we walked down the hall to wait further away from the room, since Lili was obviously upset.  She settled down a little bit, but she wouldn't smile, and she was still clinging hard to me.  We decided to to outside to wait, where there was a playground.  We asked Lili if she wanted to play, but she shook her head no.  Finally, Mrs. Tan and the other family came out, and we proceeded to the building where Lili lived.  Apparently there is a building on the grounds where children ages 6 to 18 live, and a couple of buildings where foster families live with several children in the care of each family.  Lili had been living with a foster family in one of these buildings since May, with a foster mother, father, and 3 other children.  Before that, she lived in the building where she attended preschool.  Mrs. Tan took us into the building where Lili had lived with her foster family and knocked on the door of their apartment, but there was no answer.  Lili continued to cling very tightly to me.  I told her over and over "Mama loves Lili" in my pitiful attempt at Chinese.  A few minutes later, Lili's foster mother came into the building.  Lili seemed to relax a bit when she saw her.  We gave her a gift, and she led us into their apartment.  Lili shared a room with another little girl younger than her.  There was also another bedroom for the 2 other children - I think that they were boys, but I'm not sure.  Lili had been the oldest of the 4 children.  There was also a bathroom, a kitchen with an eating area, and another bedroom for the foster parents.  Lili's foster mother showed us around the apartment.  It was immaculate.  Ed kept commenting about how clean it was.  Lili's foster mother told us that every day, she would make breakfast for the children, then take them all to their classes.  Lili would help push the stroller for the littler ones.  They would attend class until noon, and then go back to their apartment for lunch and a nap.  After they woke up, she took them back to class for the afternoon time.  After class, they would play on the playground in front of the building until dinner time.  We asked the foster mother what Lili's favorite foods were and she said "everything - she enjoys everything."  She finally said "pork - she especially enjoys pork."  She gave Lili a sausage of some kind, and Lili really seemed to enjoy that.  She said to her foster mother "Mama, Mama gave me these new shoes."  Tracy thought it was so funny how she called both her foster mother and me "Mama" in the same sentence.  Lili's foster mother told us that she has been preparing Lili to be adopted for a long time.  We were so grateful that she made such an effort to prepare her.  I guess she told Lili that we were her biological parents.  That bothered me quite a bit.  I know that she meant well by saying that, and Tracy told us that that was a very Chinese thing to do, but it worries me that Lili might think that we had abandoned her for all that time and then finally come back.  But I can't explain that to Lili right now, so I just have to trust the Lord with it and wait for His timing to tell her the truth.  After we saw the apartment and took some pictures, Lili said goodbye to her foster mother.  She gave her a hug and waved and said "bye bye."  Then I picked her back up and we left the building.  She was smiling again and cheerful, but seemed eager to leave.  Shortly after that, our driver brought the van around and we left.  It was a meaningful visit, but difficult as well.  It was hard to see Lili so anxious, and I kept wondering if she had knots in her stomach the way I did on Monday morning.  I'm very glad it's over, but I'm also glad that we went, so that we will have pictures and information for Lili to help her keep her memories. 

We were also told that there was a local family who were very interested in adopting Lili.  Before she moved in with her foster family, she had gone to visit at their house on the weekends.  They loved Lili very much, but they were concerned that her medical condition might someday require more medical attention that they would not be able to afford.  They have since moved away from the area, and have adopted another child.  But Mrs. Tan took some pictures of Ed, Lili, and me to send to them.  She said that they still loved Lili very much and that they would be very happy to hear that she had a family to love her.

Afterward we went out to lunch for dim sum with Tracy.  We saw a bit of a different side of Lili for the next hour or so.  She was more subdued, a little more hesitant, a bit distant.  But after lunch and a nap, she seems to be back to her cheerful self.  We are going out to dinner this evening with the other family we saw at the orphanage.  (They were also at the Civil Affairs office both days we were there.)  It will be fun to spend some time with them and to hear their story. 

Tomorrow we are planning to visit the Imperial Palace in Shenyang and maybe do some shopping for a special souvenir for Lili from her hometown.  Thank you for your prayers as we visited the orphanage today - we know that the Lord was with us every step of the way.