I am feeling contemplative today. Anxiously anticipating the new addition to the family in 16 days. And thinking about what I was thinking about and how I was feeling 16 days before the arrival of each of my older kids. Many of the thoughts and emotions are the same. . .silly, shallow stuff like "Should I buy just one more outfit? This one is just too cute to pass up;" deeper stuff like "How can I be the best mom possible to this new little one?" Feeling like I can't wait to meet them; imagining what their little faces will look like when I first see them. All of these feelings are the same. The big difference is, with the older ones, I knew I had to endure some pain to get to that moment. Totally worth it, but still, it was going to hurt - a lot. But this time I won't have to endure that pain. No, I won't, but someone else will. And that is my precious little one. It bring tears to my eyes thinking about it. No, she won't be feeling contractions, but there will be pain just the same. It will come from leaving all that she has ever known, her culture, her country. It will come from starting from scratch in so many ways. It will come from being passed over to (practically) complete strangers who don't understand the language she's spent 4 years perfecting, from leaving behind everyone she has ever loved. And that pain is so much more awful than labor. There's no epidural to allow her to rest and regroup. And it doesn't just last for a day or two. It will be pain that she will carry for the rest of her life. Oh, it will get easier. And we certainly hope that one day she will feel like it was worth it. But I can't pretend it will be easy. I'm so sorry, little one. I wish I could endure the pain for you. And I could never ask you to endure it if I didn't sincerely believe that it will be for the best for you. But you can't understand that. I pray every day that the Lord will whisper in your ear that you can trust us, that we will be good to you. I pray that He will prepare you to join not just one new family, but two - His and ours. And I trust that he will work all things together for your good. But I just want you to know that I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I love you with all my heart and I am praying for you.
With all my love. . .
1 comments:
Right now you are on the plane and on your way - I know b/c I checked the website to make sure your plane took off :) Know that you will be prayed for all the way. May your hearts be quiet, your minds be clear, and the arms of God apparent as you go on this beautiful journey.
Post a Comment